"What Have I Forgotten?"
by Dex
Well, I can barely remember my own name most days, so let’s start there.
When I was 20 years old I forgot my faith. It took me 9 more years to find it again. And somewhere in those years I forgot how it feels to wake up and not be tired, to be well rested & prepared. Because if I have one achievement from the last decade of my life it is that whole decade has been one long day smashed together with no end in sight and I am still here.
I have forgotten how it feels to sleep without having a drink, and I’ll be honest, I don’t want to admit that’s a problem. One or two is probably fine right? I forgot how it feels to f*ck somebody that I really want to f*ck, and wake up without feeling small, and used, and angry.
I’m f*cking angry all the time. I think I’ve forgotten how to let go, it stays in my heart without invitation, and I don’t know what I felt like before it settled in. I have forgotten what a real bed feels like, sleeping on an air mattress in a spare bedroom, feeling it deflate through the night so that in the morning, I am trapped in the pit of plastic loneliness…
I forgot that I don’t like pain, I forgot that I was a coward, I forgot that I wasn’t pretty, and I forgot that I was stuck. I forgot it and I MOVED THE F*CK ON. I have forgotten who I was but I don’t mind, who I have become suits me just fine.
Follow Dex here.
Learn more about Veterans Repertory Theater here.