"We Never Learned"
By Lani Hankins
I was taught to love through food
My great-grandmother always had a stack of sugar cubes ready for my mother and uncles
My grandmother prepared finger sandwiches
and gifted small chocolates for every occasion
Now my mother gifts them
My fraternal grandmother cooked large meals
and kept an even larger table
My father provided home-cooked meals
and baked often
Now I do the same
But the man I say I love and who shares my home
thinks nothing of warm food
In fact, he despises it
preferring both his food and drink to be cold
I know how to love by filling plates
and setting large tables and by keeping bellies full
He knows how to love by being honest
And it is because of his honesty that I know
my hair is too gray and that I wear it wrong
and that I have gotten old
It is because of his blunt honesty that I know
I am an irrational woman who talks too much
and needs professional help
It is because of how he knows to love that I know
I will never make it as I am
His belly is full and a home-cooked meal is waiting for him
most nights
But he doesn't believe I love him
and because he helps me to only see my flaws
I know he doesn't truly love me
We're both just wasting time showing the other
love is something neither of us has learned
Lani Hankins is a former Army female engagement team member and a veteran of Afghanistan. Follow her here. Listen to the Savage Wonder episode with her here.
She blogs and podcasts at Kruse Corner.
Bunny: Poems About Surviving Military Life by Lani Hankins
Bottled Away: Confessions of a Struggling Veteran by Lani Hankins
The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival by Lani Hankins
Eased Pain: Poems About Surviving Domestic Violence by Lani Hankins
What’s happening at VetRep…
Listen to our latest episode with Lois Hicks-Wozniak on the Savage Wonder Podcast, where we interview incredibly talented musicians, artists, writers, and theater professionals, who also happen to be veterans.
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