Nothing has made my mind bounce the way this empty tent has
I'm dwelling on days yet to come
Thoughts of home remain at the forefront since that is where the fear sits most
Worries of how much has changed
Worry that it will be exactly the same because I sure as hell am not
As I sit, waiting for my turn to leave
The weight of failure grows heavy
No nightmares come to me
There's no war story to tell for I saw no one fall
Only the blackouts that preceded their names
Never fired upon an enemy
Just waited for my chance to squeeze
Without that story I pray they'll accept me
Even forgive me one day
Lani Hankins is a former Army female engagement team member and a veteran of Afghanistan. Follow her here. Listen to the Savage Wonder episode with her here.
She blogs and podcasts at Kruse Corner.
Bunny: Poems About Surviving Military Life by Lani Hankins
Bottled Away: Confessions of a Struggling Veteran by Lani Hankins
The Gaslit Heart: A Story of Service and Survival by Lani Hankins
Eased Pain: Poems About Surviving Domestic Violence by Lani Hankins
This week on the Savage Wonder Podcast…
Josh Francis is a Marine veteran who is now a stand-up comic working across the US. A former writer at VET TV, Josh was raised with heavy comedic influences in his life. He embodies not only the flexibility and adaptability of the functional veteran, but the entrepreneurial spirit and discipline necessary to succeed as a comic.
It never occurred to me that military members would feel a sense of loss or failure or not belonging if they didn't experience combat while deployed to a war zone. That's pretty eye-opening to me. Thanks for sharing.