"Nothing and Everything"

by Marshall McGurk

I felt nothing. Tracing the casket, your body—

            cold, clammy, still. I felt nothing.

Something…anything? Nothing is all.

            Speak to me, connect with me.

Please! Touch my hand! I felt nothing.

            Standing on a bridge, looking over

I saw you brother. Your back was turned. I felt nothing.

            The flag draped over wood and metal.

Hands cross over. Lift!

            Fold upon fold. Tighten!

Click, tap, ready…Fire!

            Through it all, I felt nothing.

The reports do not bring the jump, the shock.

            Stillness in the midst.  I felt nothing

Six months with no smiles. Stillness in the midst.

            Your back is still turned. Speak to me!

Begging, pleading, yet…I felt nothing

            Nothing is not nothing. I feel emptiness,

overwhelming emptiness from the kin-caused hole

            I feel emptiness! Emptiness in the future

For my kin not there. No joys, no laughs, no smiles.

            You are not here. I feel emptiness

The other side is yours. Your back remains turned

            No words or messages. I cannot stay brother.

I feel emptiness. I feel emptiness.

            and towards emptiness I must go.

To make, create, build things anew.

            The other side is yours.

I felt nothing or once thought so.

            I feel emptiness; towards emptiness I go.

The other side is yours.

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Marshall McGurk is currently on active duty. He has served in the 4th Infantry Division and two Special Forces Groups and is a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan.

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