I named my daughter after you
But to call her Meredith
would feel as strange as saying
she belongs to you at all
I see myself in her
and stubbornly I love it
Through the wails and the fits
I see her
The girl I must have been
and my heart is too full to hold
the love I could not pull from you
for her loudness
for the things she knows
and demands to do
with only her small hands
I love her
because I made her
that body that pushed my hip too far into the socket
and broke my tailbone
I love her
in a bright, sun filled space
that stands outside the long shadow
of your expectations
the ones you have carried a lifetime
and could not bury
with your own mother
But I will not be small
or quiet
or shoulder your expectations
so that you are comfortable and satisfied
But I will raise a woman
and we will marvel as she grows
taller, louder, and fierce
If I have been such a shocking disappointment
wait until you see
The child I named for you
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