"I Went to a Nickelback Concert..."
By Steve Callahan
I went to a Nickelback concert
with a friend
don’t judge me for it
you only hate them
because the internet told you to…
and I
unburdened by your feelings
live my life on my own terms
he said to me after coming back from
taking a leak and just before
someone hosed down the men’s room with a fire hydrant
“I feel like I’d be more comfortable in a camo hat”
because that is the vibe
the energy
that Nickelback brings
and he said
realization dawning across his face
like the blue and red lights from the stage
“maybe I’m hiding behind a lot of things”
and I felt that too
maybe everything I am is a mask
the MARPAT is gone
USMC is nowhere on my clothing, but
maybe I’ve traded that in for
a new uniform
my memorial bracelets
and tattoos
my piss and vinegar attitude
and the desire to start bar fights for
shits and gigs
this poem and
every word penned
or spoken
or thoughts that pinball
around my brain when I’m too drunk
and too high
my politics and my need to tow the line
so that everyone loves me
maybe all of that is a mask
because maybe
just maybe
I’m still a sad little boy
with stories in his brain
that just won’t go away
and no one to listen to them
maybe I just wanted to be loved
by someone who didn’t want
to love me back
me…
back
not my masks
or my words
but me
as I am
naked before the world
dick swinging and unashamed
and I don’t know what’s more terrifying:
that I am undeserving of love
or that I am… despite the things
these hands have done
and moreover and over again
that if I take these masks off
I’ll be nothing without them
and moreover and over again
if I take them off,
I won’t have the faintest clue
who the hell
I actually am.
Steve Callahan is a writer, a poet and a former Marine infantryman. Bursting with creative efforts, Steve runs a poetry site, podcast, and is heavily involved in PB Abbate. Steve’s writing covers his experiences in the Marines, his deployment to Helmand and the psychological peaks and valleys of an infantryman’s life. Follow him here.
Listen to our Podcast with Steve here.What’s happening at VetRep…
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Listen to our latest episode with Dakota Silvey on the Savage Wonder Podcast, where we interview incredibly talented musicians, artists, writers, and theater professionals, who also happen to be veterans.