"I Love Me Book"
By Lani Hankins
Kept a three-peg book
When I was a soldier
Much like others did
But mine displayed no
Achievements or awards.
Never felt the need to prove
training or qualifications.
Only that I had paid and
I had sacrificed and
I had overcome
When the odds were
Stacked against me
Full of anything but
Love for myself
It carried all that I had
Chosen not to forget because
Those trinkets and
Trophies made me
Who I would become
A room key to the place
Where I raised a glass
To demons I had
Learned to hide with
Photos of buddies
Long gone and
Out of reach
Prayer cloths faded
From being carried
For months in the
Afghan heat and
Rosaries that became
Part of a ritual I would
Leave behind with
The old me
Coffee cards full of
Stamps for the small
Cup of joy that could not
Be found any place else
With first class tickets
That took me anywhere
But home
Cut stars from retired flags
Arranged side by side
With the rape whistle
I was given in BAF
Because you lose
Yourself to both
Eventually
Roll calls and creeds
Taped alongside meal
Cards and penned greetings,
Phone cards full of
Unused minutes because
There is no one to call once
Depression stakes it's claim,
And stacks of pogs
Leftover from trying to
Purchase comforts of home
ROE and EOF cards
Next to suicide prevention
Pamphlets and deployment
Manifests carrying names
That no longer exist
All rounded off with the
Simple reminder to
Fear God,
Then your drill sergeant
Lani Hankins is a former Army female engagement team member and a veteran of Afghanistan. Follow her here. Listen to the Savage Wonder episode with her here.
She blogs and podcasts at Kruse Corner.
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