"Failure to Cycle"
by Mason Rodrigue
Anxiety
Buzzing loudly inside of me
Like a hive of bees
or swarm of yellowjackets
Wound up tighter than
a full magazine of full metal jackets
Overgassed mind malfunctions
Tap it and Rack it
BANG
Toss and turn in my rack and
Mind racing,
the time and space between
missing the target, facing
the fact that I'm a discarded
spent shell casing
Silence is deafening
The tinnitus in my ears ring
Pace the room like a hornet
looking for something to sting
Hypervigilant hyperventilating
Thrill seeking behavior so titillating
Anxiety heightens sensitivity
Alcohol numbs and stops the inhibiting
Rage increases reactivity
Depression and regret follow
Oh, the futility
Self sabotage cycle fueled by fragility
Anxiety the byproduct of hypervigilance
Do your due diligence
Harness habits from living so militant
BREATHE
Calm down,
Write down and unload the saved rounds
Sink or swim, didn't drown
Found ways through much darker days
Weathered the hurricanes and storms
Remember, this is just a swarm
Failures to Cycle not outside of the Norm.
You were taught how to respond and perform.
Immediate and Corrective Actions
Observe, Tap it and Rack it
get the gun up and back in action
Fixing a life requires deliberate action.
Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast
Hard men outlast hard times that don’t last.
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